For those of you who don’t know me (and even for those who think they do) let me introduce myself. I’m a new mama of beautiful 11 month-old, Juliana Marie, a new wife to my wonderful husband, Adam, and a self proclaimed Halfway Crunchy parent.
Let’s go back to the days before I became a crunchy, somewhat know-it-all mama and wife to get you up to speed.
On April 28th, 2009 I was headed home from work letting my mind race through its random thoughts of the day. While I was wondering whether or not that last cup of coffee would cause me to pee my pants before I got home or not my mind started to wonder down to my neither region. Earlier that month I had a couple brain lapses (ok – so I silenced my phone alarm one too many times without actually taking my pill) so the rest of my pills were “no good”. Did I keep the pack to keep track of when my period should be coming? Obviously not, that would be the smart thing to do.
That’s when my brain finally stopped and there I was stuck on her. Where is she? Why hasn’t she come yet? It’s really not like her to be late, but, is she really late? I can’t be late the last time I had one was… ok so I’m late. I’m not that late though, it can only be like 2, 3, or 4… ok maybe 8 days, tops. It’s no big deal; I’ll just ask Adam when I get home.
As casually as I could, I meekly asked Adam if he remembered when my last period was. Cue the eyeballs-bulging-what-the-hell-have-we-done-face followed by “I thought that was your thing to remember”. We hadn’t really done anything in a while because every day when I got home from work I’d make it to the couch before I’d promptly passed out from an exhausting day of sitting at my desk. An early symptom of pregnancy would, perhaps, make more sense than my exhausting day of sitting. Am I pregnant?
Naturally, I sent him to the store to get the pregnancy test because that’s how it’s done in the movies, isn’t it? Ok, so let’s speed things up and get to the point. Yes, I peed on a stick. Yes, it said I was pregnant. Yes, I was happy. Yes, I was scared shitless. Yes, my life was now “over” and a new life was beginning. No, this was not planned. Oh well, what’s done is done there’s no changing things now planned or unplanned.
Do I regret getting pregnant? At this time in my life no way in hell, but, at the time I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I wasn’t me anymore now I was us. Do I regret not being more careful? Yeah, maybe a little bit because I hadn’t prepared my body or mind for this news. From that day forward I knew that since I hadn’t prepared I would have to work overtime to figure things out. I’m neurotic and I need to know everything about everything yesterday.
April 28th, 2009 will forever be the day that I took the first step to becoming myself. This was the day that I stopped living for myself and I started living for us. This was the day I started onto my journey of becoming a cloth diapering, breastfeeding, babywearing, gentle and respectful discipline loving, self proclaimed Halfway Crunchy parent.