Tag Archives: work

Getting Un-stuck by Taking Action

A lot of people would (and do) call me crazy for making this action step I’m about to take.  I’m about to take a leap of faith into the unknown and figure things out as we go.  I have plans but I don’t like to make them set in stone.  I have back up (a bit, only, kinda) to help make this transition easier and I have a support group making this all a little easier.

Friday, May 20th, I will be giving my formal resignation letter and my two-week notice to my full time employer.  The scariest thing about the whole plan is that I do need income to supplement my husband’s so we can actually afford to eat but it’s not like my plan is to sit around staying at J all day.  Oh no, not at all.

I want to wake up rested and see that cute little squishy face smiling up at me instead of getting jostled awake by my husband while my daughter is having her early morning nursing at 6am.  Being told over and over I need to shower, stop, get in the shower, Sara WAKE UP.  I won’t miss the way I start my mornings as they are now, that’s for sure.

I can't believe how big she is - I feel like I've missed a lot.I will start my day with a list of to-dos for household, time with J, meals, business and family fun.  I’ll spend my day completing tasks by priority of importance and not just what I can cram in at the end of a busy work day when we pull in the drive at 6:30pm.  All while being more present to one of my favorite (and missed) people in the world; my daughter, J.

I will take action and start living a life for tomorrow instead of just living day to day. 

It’s scary to go into the unknown but when I look back… back to when she was 2 months old and I really made the decision to go back to work I remember why I went back.  It was the worry.  The worry that we needed more, we needed a house, we needed our cars, we needed more “stuff” and we worried about paying our bills, worried about having fun doing what we love and making more time for everything.  Do you know where we are today?  Still worrying… still living day to day and worrying about all that crap.  You know what we haven’t done?  Taken action to pursue what truly will bring balance and happiness to our lives.

Some will call me crazy, some will call me stupid and some will think that I’m brilliant.  I know my daughter will, I know my husband is supporting this decision and I know I have friends and family that have my back.  So, here I go.  I’m taking that step to getting un-stuck.  I firmly proclaim that from this day forth I will live with intention, take action with abandon and use my skills to their fullest potential instead of feeling trapped in a job and resenting it.

What action steps have you taken lately or are you planning on taking?  Are you scared (but, a good scared), like me?

4 Comments

Filed under Life, Working

The Beginning of the End: HUTH

I think my half crabby balance post yesterday was stemmed from a milestone that my daughter and I have recently reached and it’s hit me like a pile of bricks. 

Yesterday, I retired my pump.  I hung up the horns and I’m officially partially weaning her.  Right now, as I typed that it became all the more real and upsetting.

I’m sure you’re wondering why I would do this if it was upsetting to me and part of me wonders that very thing.  But, the truth is, I don’t have enough time and balance in my life to continue pumping anymore.  I feel guilt and relief all at the same time about this as I sure many moms before me have.

Why did I really do it? 

I can’t keep up with everything at work and still make the time to pump.  Sure, I’m protected by law for a year but guess what?  It’s been one full year to the day (today) that I’ve been back to work plus being a salary employee means I have oodles of work on my desk that needs to get done, period.

Is there another reason?

I need to get rid of the pressure to get milk for the next day.  There is a constant fear that lingers in a pumping mother that cannot be silenced.  Every single time my daughter has a drop of my precious milk I need to express… the pressure to keep up my supply stressed me out so much some days I couldn’t eat and then I couldn’t pump because I hadn’t eaten.  It’s a vicious cycle.

The Last Time

I nurse my daughter on my lunch hour.  I’m lucky enough that my sister-in-law who watches J during the day lives within 10 minutes of my office.  Now instead of crunching 2 twenty minute pumping sessions and a half hour lunch into my day to go nurse her for ten minutes, while hoping that she doesn’t want to nurse longer, I take a one hour lunch.  I can grab something to eat or prepare what I’ve brought in, drive to see her, play with her, talk with her, then leave to get back to work without being rushed.

How did I wean from the pump?

Well, in the beginning I had to pump 6+ times a day.  Yeah, that’s right.  I had to pump on my way to work, 3 times at work, once on my way home and another time in the middle of the night.  I did this for months just so my daughter could continue to be exclusively breastfed.  As my daughter got older her bottles spread out a little more through the day, then her need for milk when she was away from me decreased so I’d gradually work out a pumping session.  Midnight pumping first, then on my way home, then on my way in, then my middle of the day, then my morning and finally I just stopped.

Luckily, I never had an oversupply so skipping a session or two was never really a big deal for me.  When I wanted to drop a session I’d just pump for 5 minutes for a day or two during that session then the next day I’d drop it.  I’d let me body adjust for 2-3 weeks and then onto the next one.  For the longest time I was down to a morning session and an afternoon session until I finally found a good substitution for milk during the day.

J is lactose intolerant.  I cut dairy out of my diet when her reflux was at its peak and I wasn’t surprised when she threw up after we gave her an ounce of whole milk.  We tried rice milk a couple days in a row one week but she balked at it.  A couple weeks later we tried almond milk but she would have nothing to do with it.  The stress of having to pump and not having something to give her during the day was intense.  I felt like I couldn’t keep up with life and I was drowning.

Then, in a last ditch effort we gave her soy milk.  She loves it.  She loves it so much I was actually hurt that it only took 1 cup of soy milk to sway her.  She does still come to me for “mmmm” (nursing) right away on my lunch hour so I can’t be too heartbroken but part of me really is.  She doesn’t need part of me all day anymore and it’s a weird feeling.

Part of me is happy to see my little independent toddler yet part of me wishes I could have my little newborn baby.  So, this is the beginning of weaning and it stings a little.  But, at least I still have the nighttime snuggles and we’re not giving up nursing anytime soon 🙂

1 Comment

Filed under Breastfeeding, Working